Flashback from April 2014: What I wrote in ten minutes over 3 years ago

I am giving myself ten minutes to write a post.  Bullet points seem appropriate.

• I really want to get the boys scooters or balance bikes.  We are all loving "riding bikes" and playing in the front "yard"/driveway.  It's expensive to buy two of these kind of items.  But if we don't, there will be physical harm to one or both boys.
• My seventh wedding anniversary is approaching.  Can't wait to celebrate.
• A horrible birthday is approaching.  I hate odd years.  What's worse, I don't think I can continue to think of myself as "just a kid", or even a young adult.  
• I want to spend more time with the puppies.  Honey, can we take them to the beach?
• Will is loving blowing bubbles.  It's so cute.  Jack has a harder time with it.  
• Will tried to break into three houses this week, insisting they were his aunt's house.  So cute.
• So much in my life is so cute.  Maybe that is why Jack says everything is so cute (in particular, babies).
• I love my boys so much.  But they are also sooooo hard!  How do so many people survive parenthood?
• I am hoping to go to the park with the boys and a friend.  I hope the boys don't run away.  They make everything so scary and so dangerous.  
• Jack loves chasing Robbins and squirrels.

Up and Running??? But is anyone here???

Greetings! So, as you may recall, I stopped posting because I was unable to upload photos. And before long, I forgot all about this blog. You probably did, too. Anyway, it came up because I made banana bread and remembered when I made it for the boys on their 1st birthday (on their actual birthday) and one of them threw up upon having a bite. I thought perhaps I would have documented who did that in this blog. It looks like I kept that information private. So that was the bad news.

The good news is I think I am able to post photos here from my new computer. This will be the test. What has happened in the last 3 years? Hmm... Trips to Sanibel, three awesome au pairs, preschool (three years), Christmases, Easters, Halloweens, costumes, dinosaurs, many trips to the zoo and aquarium, superheroes, Avengers, scooters, swimming, bike riding (and learning), trip to Sedona, hiking, camping, new friends, learning German (the boys - not me), and lots of fun (with, of course, lots of chaos, insanity, frustration, meltdowns, temper tantrums mixed with adorableness, hugs, and kisses). That sums up life with the twins.

With the fur babies - the original babies, we have had some tragedy and health issues. Long story short, our beautiful Izzy lost an eye. It involved a horrible incident, a late night trip to the ER, and overnight surgery that could not save her eye. That being said, Izzy is doing well and is happier than ever (mainly because she gets way more attention now and has regained her VIP status within the family). Jaeger has had issues, too. He was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and Addison's Disease. He does pretty well and is generally happy and healthy, but he's not quite the same. But at least we still have these two precious family members with us. We are still a family of six!

Two: terrible or terribly adorable?

I cannot believe my technical difficulties continue to plague me.  As it is, I haven't posted because I cannot post photos.  It makes me sad because I have missed the chance to preserve so many memories.  You think you cannot forget them, but I feel like I already am.

Time is passing all too quickly.  The boys are two and a half years old!  They are getting so big, and Jack is speaking so well.  They continue to test my sanity and patience, especially when they keep getting on the kitchen counters, climb over the gates that are supposed to limit the area on which they wreak havoc, and have irrational temper tantrums.  But they seem less breakable and show more agility and stability while engaging in dangerous activities.  There are flickers of light, suggesting the end of this tunnel that requires constant supervision.  For example, they play in the backyard with the neighbor (a boy just 9 months older).  They seem like big kids - obviously, they still require vigorous supervision, but I can see a time when they will require less.  We can even go in the front of the house, but that requires two adults.  With three adults watching, Jack went running, without even looking, into and across our fairly busy street!  I see other parents with less "adventurous" children.  They get to do so much more (the parents and children).  That being said, the boys' independence, determination, and spirited nature will take them far, if we help them learn to channel and use those traits wisely.

I am sure the opportunity to parent such rambunctious children has helped me become a better person in some way - but I can't say that I am now the most patient person ever or the most even tempered.  I do, however, have more wrinkles.  Will pointed out the wrinkle in between my brows.  Apparently, my explanation that his behavior was dangerous and worried me kept causing that line to crease.  He put his finger on the line, and then he laughed!

Post-Baby Weight

I have to admit it: I quickly click on links showing celebrities' post-baby bodies.  I am not sure why.  To see that it is possible to look like perfection after growing a baby inside your body?  To see if their bodies' have any scars or evidence of once growing those babies?  To see how I compare?

I do compare myself.  How are some of them able to show off rock hard abs eight weeks after having a baby?  Heck, doing it even eight months later seems like quite a feat.  

On one hand, yes, let's celebrate women still being fit, attractive, and, dare I say it, sexy, after becoming mothers.  On the other hand, are we saying that our ultimate goal is maintaining our physical attractiveness?  Does our value depend on it?  If so, have we -- women -- really made any progress?  And, I know some people say that being fit and thin are just about being healthy -- and maybe that is a factor -- but I believe it has more to do with the importance society places on a woman's appearance (for its attractiveness, not as evidence of good health).  If that's true, we have made minimum progress as a society.  I certainly don't see men under the same pressure to maintain their appearance.  

I can say that it makes me feel pretty bad that I wasn't able to show off rock hard abs eight weeks, eight months, or even eighteen months after having the boys.  I am not sure I ever will.  I have lost all of the weight, and then some, but there is this extra skin, and it's not pretty.  It's actually kinda gross.  But it's my proof that these two quickly growing boys were once tiny babies growing and living inside me.   For that reason, I think I may like it.

At long last! A Christmas to celebrate!

For about two years, we lived under the belief that we would be moving to Germany within months.  I remember many conversations with extended family about how we probably would not be there next [you name the event or holiday] because we would be in Germany.  But then we would be there after all because of some unexpected delay (not a single one caused by us).

We made many decisions based on the idea that we would be moving soon.  Perhaps less important than quitting my job based on an "imminent" move, but nevertheless consequential:  packing and storing our Christmas decorations (and gift wrap).  As a result, we didn't decorate for Christmas in 2010 or 2011.  Of course, in 2012, we were in Germany (finally), but were making the international move back to the U.S. with two toddlers and two dogs the day after Christmas so we couldn't really decorate then either.

But here we are three years later and we get to celebrate Christmas!  Don't get the wrong impression.  I am not super into decorating, but it is really nice to enjoy the holiday season with some decorations.  And, having children who are just old enough to enjoy some of the festivities makes it all the more fun.  Here we are:

 Will loved hanging ornaments! 

 The boys loved playing with a train musical box that we received from my mother-in-law last year.  I like this picture because the table in it was my grandma's.  Having several pieces of furniture in that room - especially at Christmas - makes me feel like I have a bit of her there, too.  She was a huge part of Christmas celebrations.

 Both boys hanging ornaments.

 Jack with his aunt.  I am so thankful to have family in town, and for the boys to have such a special aunt.  It's pretty awesome for them to have a young, fun, adoring aunt.

 Jack and Nanna!

 More ornaments to hang!

 Daddy's childhood ornament.

 Will would clap after successfully hanging each ornament :)

 Was really happy to see the boys hanging ornaments so well (for the most part).

 Mommy and Will!

Fun ornaments, and of course, the better one is always the one that someone else has.

Since decorating the tree, the boys, especially Will, have insisted on visiting the tree (which sits in a room to which they have very limited access).  Indeed, Will has climbed over the baby gate and escaped, running to the tree.  

It has been so much fun this year!  I cannot wait to see the boys' reaction on Christmas morning!

Technical Difficulties

I have written several blog posts.  I just haven't posted them because I was unable to attach photos.  Photos, to me, say more than any words.  Well, at least more than many of the words that I string together.

I love how photos capture a moment a time, a brief expression on someone's face.  Time goes by so quickly, more quickly each and every day.  So, to be able to go back and look at a photo, to see that the moment that I remember really did happen, means a lot to me.  Because memories fade.  I wish they didn't, but they do.  And there are so many things I don't want to forget.

I don't want to forget the many amazing expressions on my boys' faces, the innocent and optimistic nature of Jaeger, and the sassy and sometimes moody expressions of Izzy.

Photos allow a brief bit of time travel.  Videos allow better time travel, and I love video, too.

And it's not just about being able to confirm that a moment really did happen, but also to see things that you didn't see the first time around, the way someone looked at you, or you at them.

I am, admittedly, obsessed with recording life.  Because I don't want to forget it, and I want to be able to go back an relive moments.  As a result, my computer (which allegedly has tons of memory) is so full of photos and videos that it is super slow and almost impossible to attach photos.  Hence, the lack of blog posts, which is a shame because these posts record thoughts and descriptions of life.

Anyway, that is my explanation for not posting much this year...

How much longer until nap time???

Nap time cannot come too soon!  Between 7 and 10:30, the twins have had a naked party (ending with me duct taping their diapers on), eaten rocks, and defeated/broken child safety locks and climbed onto the kitchen counter, all on top of their usual mayhem.

Some rest or mindless tv would be awesome but I have to pick up/clean the house for guests, do laundry, dishes, fold and put away laundry - the usual fun things that no one notices are done but would notice and complain if they were not done.  Sigh...

Several days later.  Finally, I am able to load photos from that fun morning.

 Duct-taped diapers.

 Will putting something in his mouth.

 The rocks that Will put in his mouth.

 Looking for more tasty rocks.

 Climbing onto the counter after defeating child locks.

After the crazy morning, we had a wonderfully peaceful afternoon.  The three of us played legos.  It was awesome.  When we tired of that, we went outside with the dogs to enjoy an amazing summer evening.  My husband even got home at a decent hour.  It was really great.

But then Jaeger went to the bathroom in the yard, and Will found the evidence.  Being the curious little boy he is, he picked it up.  Realizing it was icky, he threw it... at Daddy!

This is our life.  A crazy, insane, and chaotic life.  But a wonderful and very blessed life.

Last Week in Review

Last week was quite a week.  I kept meaning to post blogs about the non-stop shenanigans of my boys, but I just didn't have a chance (well, I had a few chances, but I was mostly in an exhausted stupor).  

1.  Will threw is his shoe into the flamingo pond.  No flamingoes were injured.  And we were not banned from the zoo.  Give it time though.  Shoe was recused.  See separate post.

2.  Will fell off the kitchen table, while three adults were "supervising."  The boys kept using the chairs to get on the table and we kept taking them off the table, but Will got on, and fell, before we had a chance to do so that one time.  For the life of me, I don't know why we just didn't move the chairs, like we always do (probably in an exhausted stupor).  The pediatrician sent us to the ER.  My poor husband went, while I stayed with a hysterical Jack.  We paid the $150 co-pay (for maybe our 6th time this year) and were told that Will was fine.  Great news!  Also were told that we shouldn't bother to come to the ER for this kind of incident and to ignore the pediatrician's advice.  Hmmm.

3.  I ran over Will with the stroller.  See separate post.

4.  The boys' are AGAIN all about the drawers and cabinets.  Not all of them can be child-proofed because they are frameless and there is nothing to attach the child proof lock onto.  So frustrating.  And frustrating to keep pulling the boys out of the drawers and to have our counters covered with things I don't want to the boys to get into.  I thought I was going to lose my mind that afternoon.  (Okay, I admittedly feel this way on a regular basis.)

5. We had several poo parties.  They are not fun and have nothing to do with Winnie the Pooh.  The boys do, however, like Winnie the Pooh, and are obsessed with bears (including elephants, which they keep calling bears).  By the way, in an effort to help the boys learn that elephants are not bears, I  wanted to see if any of the Chicago area zoos had elephants (I assumed they would - as I always thought that they were popular to see).  To my shock, I discovered that none of the zoos in Illinois have elephants.  Well, my hometown zoo does/did, but they have had to lend them out so they can improve and expand the elephants' winter space.

6.  While at Target, the boys escaped their stroller.  Luckily, this did not result in me running over one or both of them.  Instead, they took off in different directions and in the one second before I could grab Will, he took off his shorts and his diaper.  He stood their naked while many people looked on.  I have now found a way to tie the boys to the stroller (and may post instructions in a separate post).  I was unable to discern if people were looking at me and the boys judgmentally or with amusement.  I hope it was the latter.

We have had more fun this week.  I am not sure I should post just how much fun we have as I might be building a case for DCFS to take the boys away from me.  The boys may drive me crazy and constantly challenge me, but I do love them more than anything in the world and could not live without them.  All too soon, they will be be past this "fun" stage and I will be looking back at this time with much nostalgia and wishing I could go back in time.  

Seriously, I have been giving them a lot of extra hugs and kisses lately in full realization that they will be big boys before I know it.  (I can only imagine the trouble they may cause as teenagers.)

Until then, they are my precious little angels.  Most of the time, or at least while they are sleeping.

Rotten Mother

Wow! If my being confused for a panhandler, the boys deleting medical records while on the doctor's computer in Frankfurt, and Will throwing his shoe into the Flamingo Pond at the zoo were not enough examples of my poor mothering, I recently ran over my own son.

Run over?  Yes, I ran over Will with the stroller.  We were waiting for my sister-in-law at the park and I was "strolling" around in the general vicinity in which we were to meet.  I noticed a man, and then a girl in her early 20s, noticing the boys.  This is not unusual.  They tend to attract attention.  But then the girl starting screaming and pointing at the stroller, just as I noticed that the stroller seemed to be rolling over something.  I figured it was a shoe (the boys throw off their shoes on a regular basis).  No big deal people, this happens all the time.  Then I heard the girl, "You're running over your baby!!!!!"  She was hysterical...  Sure enough, I was running over Will.  And he was upset, but he quickly calmed down (the stroller isn't that heavy).   As I was consoling Will, the girl looked back, shook her head, and gave me the most judgmental look as if to say, "what kind of mother runs over her baby?"

I felt pretty crappy.  Gee, this is what happens when I am not even distracted.  I wasn't on the phone, wasn't texting, wasn't even talking to someone walking with me.  I was only pushing the stroller, casually keeping a look out for my sister-in-law.

But I had the canopies over the boys, to protect them from the sun, and I couldn't see them.  And the boys refuse to stay in their stroller and it has increasingly been getting worse.  I don't know.  Maybe I really am just a rotten mother.  I hope not.  Either way, I wonder if my staying at home with the boys is doing any good - seriously, could a daycare be worse?  I mean, I run over my own baby!

Trip to Lincoln Park Zoo

Today, we visited the Lincoln Park Zoo.  It was ghastly hot, but fun, nevertheless.  We saw a pig, kangaroo, birds, monkeys, gorillas, a leopard, and a polar bear, among other animals.  The boys had a blast.

Of course, no outing with the boys is complete without some sort of mishap.  This time, Will threw his shoe... into the Flamingo Pond!  Amazingly, we found a zookeeper and he and his colleague saved the day!  Honestly, I am surprised it was only a shoe - I fully expected the boys to break into an animal area.  We became members at the Zoo today, so they will have other chances.  Fingers crossed that they never break into a prohibited area.

Pictures from today:

Mother's Day

Another Mother's Day approaches... I think back to my post last year, which described my perfect day - full of alone time, spa treatments, as well as brief visits with the boys.  That still sounds nice, but feels less necessary than it did last year.  Last year, I felt like I was drowning in my devotion to the boys and grasping for "me time" like it was air.  I had spent the previous nine months juggling 8 feedings a day times two babies, pumping for whatever milk I could provide them, cleaning bottles and pump parts, and laundering spit-up covered clothes and diaper leaked on bedding.

Prior to the boys' birth, all I had really known was "me time" (okay, there wasn't that much of it when I was working, but it existed).  Motherhood made "me time" a rare luxurious treat.  And, last year, I was craving it sooooo badly.  I was in serious withdrawal.  But, I suppose, "me time" is like sugar, once you stop eating it, you eventually stop craving it (this is what I hear - I haven't given up sugar, if anything, I am more dependent on it than ever).  And I have gotten used to not having much, if any, "me time" and I am okay it.  [I  do know some "me time" is necessary and I definitely enjoy it when it happens.] 

I can't say it has been easy.  As much as I absolutely knew that motherhood would make my life a life of service to my children, it has been harder to live that life than to imagine it in my head.  But I have gotten more used to it, used to waking up to tend to the boys instead of tending to myself, used to laying down with the boys in the evening instead of watching an anticipated new episode of a favorite program, and used to not being able to shower or wash my hair every day like I used to.

All that being said, I love my boys more than my life and would and will do anything for them.  I would not trade them in for a life full of "me time" and whatever other time I think I want.  They truly are my dream come true.  And, so, this Mother's Day, I don't need an escape from the boys.  I want to thank them and thank G-- for making me their "ma-ma".  I am utterly appreciative and grateful to have these two amazing little boys.

They make this a very happy Mother's Day...

And happy Mother's Day to my mom and the other moms in my life that show me every day that being a mom doesn't end even after your babies are all entirely grown up and with babies of their own.

New Home

I love our new home - its views of the river, the quacking ducks, the interior space, and the friendly neighbors.  Like I said, it felt like home from the beginning.

We Survived!

We survived the long flight back from Frankfurt to Chicago.  Honestly, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  The boys were pretty good.  They wanted to roam around a bit (thank goodness for my sister-in-law) and thought it would be fun to pull the long hair of the passenger sitting in front of me (but didn't succeed) but that was the worst of it.  I did get a migraine, which given the amount of stress I was under, wasn't surprising, but I didn't get sick to my stomach (yay!).

It was quite a day - between getting moved out of the Frankfurt apartment (we left more than we intended - over flowing trash and nice items we could have sold or kept), getting on board the plane (yes, there was running to the gate, as usual), making sure the dogs were ready for the flight, seeing - for the first time - the house we had purchased, and surprising my husband with a Vespa (his combined birthday/Christmas gift).  I had one small (okay, maybe major) meltdown when the airline wouldn't let me take one of my carry ons (due to the flight being full) because it had all my valuables and breakables (including gifts for family).  Not surprisingly, they lost the bag and it arrived late with broken gift items.  Luckily, nothing was missing.

The new house was comfortable.  It felt like ours from the very beginning.  Even the flaws were okay.  It was - unequivocally - our home, and the setting of the next chapter of our life.

Christmas in Frankfurt

Germans celebrate Christmas on December 24.  They go to church services and then go home and open gifts on "Christmas Eve."  In Frankfurt, many people wander downtown to enjoy the "Pealing of the Bells".  While tons of people participate in this tradition, in which they gather in historical Frankfurt,  imbibe in drink, and listen to 50 bells from 10 downtown churches, a lot of our friends had never heard of this tradition.  And I am referring to our friends in Frankfurt!  Anyway, my husband, the boys, and my sister-in-law ventured out.  It was not only a unique way to celebrate Christmas when we were so far from our family and regular Christmas traditions, it was a really nice way to say good-bye to Frankfurt.

The next morning, we opened presents with the boys.  I wish I could say it was a leisurely, relaxing morning, but it was not.  We had to get the house picked and cleaned for inspection by the landlady.  The small apartment was in worse shape than usual because our cleaning lady did not show up when scheduled.  Sigh...  

After a Christmas Eve dinner at a Chinese restaurant in the Frankfurt train station, we tried to have a nicer dinner at Cafe Caramel, our restaurant just down the street from our apartment.  Unfortunately, they sent us home without dinner because they were about to close for the night (they had told me they would be open on Christmas, and had not mentioned closing early).  They did send us home with a bottle of wine though!  We then enjoyed a pizza with our dear babysitter, Julia.  She was fabulous and we were sad to say good-bye to her.  But, all things must come to an end, and we had a new home and new chapter in our life waiting for us in Chicago.  Chicago, here we come!

Tis the Season, Frankfurt Style

I started this blog post in December of 2012 as we were nearing the end of our stay in Germany.

We are closing in on the end of our journey here in Frankfurt, Germany.   It has been quite the experience, with ups and downs.  Hopefully, the downs (e.g., hospital visits) are over; although our regular dry cleaner did "fire" us as customers due to Jaeger's dog hair, but that's more of a funny thing than a "down".  Indeed, I think we are ending on a huge "up": Christmas in Germany.

As many of you know, Germany is famous for its Christmas Markets.  People literally go on Christmas Market tours - visiting the markets in numerous Germany cities.  Although I have only seen Frankfurt and Cologne's Christmas markets, they primarily consist of adorable booths offering food (e.g., brats), drink (e.g., beer and apfelwein), sweets (e.g., crepes, chocolate covered pretzels and fruit, and candy), and gift items (e.g., ornaments).

So far, we have visited the Christmas market in Frankfurt twice, and I think we will probably go a few more times before we leave.  It's pretty fun, but highly caloric (if you choose to really jump into the experience).  Also, if you are touring the markets, I think you can find some of the same items elsewhere for less money than they cost at the markets.   That being said, it is nice to pick up some souvenirs from the actual market.

I should note that the boys had their very first ride on a carousel at the Frankfurt Christmas market!  Pretty cool!

And, here I am finishing this post in March 2013:

We also made it to Munich's Christmas markets.  We went to the main one and the "old" one.  I really enjoyed the old-fashioned one.  I thought there were more and neater gift items and I liked that it was smaller.

Now I need to post about our Christmas celebration in Frankfurt.  Hopefully, I can get this blog caught up!

Trip to Munich

Our trip to Munich was over two months, an international move, and much medical drama ago.  I can barely remember it.  Here are the highlights:  six hour car ride - me in the front with a smelly (not her fault though) Izzy and Jaeger and my poor sister in law wedged between two carseats.  Traffic was bumper to bumper so it was a way longer ride than it should have been.  We arrived very late to Munich.  We got up the next morning, enjoyed a really good breakfast buffet at the Marriott, and then met up with our friends in Munich.  They were fabulous hosts and we got to see a few highlights of the city. I think I enjoyed lunch and the Christmas market the best.  The art museum was nice, too, just rushed.

The next morning, we were going to head to the Cinderella castle, but a horrible migraine had another idea.  I spent the morning throwing up and with a throbbing headache.  My husband and sister in law had to keep the boys entertained outside the room so that I could try to rest.  It was rough on us all.

I will let the pictures tell the rest of the story:

Cold, crisp day in Marburg, Germany

My husband's dear Aunt Judy is visiting us in Frankfurt.  We have had a lovely time having her and have appreciated all of her help.  

We left the boys with their baby-sitter and headed to Marburg, Germany.  Marburg is an hour away from Frankfurt (by train).

Within a short walk from the train station, we were at Elisabethkirche.  Wow! While it looked like a regular church from the outside, the colorful stained glass blew me away.  Yes, I have a thing for stained glass. 

Elisabethkirche had more than stained glass:

And from the outside:

After the church, we headed to the Castle.  Along the way, we were charmed by the streets of Marburg.

After a lovely lunch, and a long hike up way too many steps, we made it to the Castle.  

We had problems finding the entrance to the Castle, and that was just the beginning.  While we enjoyed the views and a few of the sites inside the Castle, we couldn't find much of what we wanted to see.  The signage was extremely poor and the staff could not speak English.  While that was frustrating, we laughed and managed to still enjoy our time there.

All in all, a great time!  Hard to believe that in about 5.5 weeks, we will be leaving Frankfurt!  That being said, I am excited for the Mexican food, Chicago-style deep dish pizza, and American style sushi!